被哈佛录取的孩子，他们的文书都写了什么?

ANC教育 2023-02-08

文书对于美国大学申请至关重要，可能因为一篇文书，低分收到Offer“逆风翻盘”、也可能高分被脆拒。下面是几位被哈佛录取的学生的背景和他们的文书。

如果你是刚刚接触留学的同学，或者还对自己文书没有思路的小伙伴，可以将本文收藏起来慢慢细读一下。相信大家看过这几篇文书后，能够更直接地了解名校对文书的偏好，写出一份优秀的文书！

作者Julia

原籍：美国佐治亚州

高中：公立高中, 597毕业生

民族：亚裔

性别：女性

GPA: 4.0 out of 4.0

SAT / ACT: Reading 800, Math 800, Writing 800

SAT2: U.S History, Literature

课外活动：Varsity Academic Bowl co-captain; varsity lacrosse four year letterman, Chess Club president; Distinguished Young Women of Georgia 2014; Distinguished Young Women of Coweta County; Centre Strings Orchestra, first violin

获奖：U.S. Presidential Scholars semifinalist, National Merit Scholar, National AP Scholar, Outstanding Georgia Citizen, Georgia Region 3B STAR Student

专业：Philosophy and Government

▼ESSAY

I was in 9th grade the first time I stumbled upon a copy of Newsweek. What caught my eye was its trademark title: white type, red highlight, a connotation that stories of great consequence lay beneath. Such bold lettering gave me a moment's pause, and I was prompted to leaf through its glossy pages.

To my surprise, I was instantly hooked.

A new world unfolded before me. Biting social commentary. World conflicts that weren't dumbed down. Piquant reviews of best-selling books, controversial exposés of political figures, tantalizing tidbits on pop culture, full-page spreads of photographs.

And the prose was elegant, sharp, mesmerizing. It radiated sophistication and IQ. As I scanned the credentials of the authors, my only thought was, wow. The articles were written by worldly, ambitious people who were experts in their fields, people with PhDs and MBAS from world-class institutions, people who could write brilliantly, who got paid to give their opinions, who walked with a purpose and ran in the direction of their dreams. People I knew — then and there — I’d like to one day become.

This is what education looks like, I told myself. I was young, I was impressionable. Like a child standing on the outside of a candy store, nose pressed against the glass, I hungered to be a part of that cerebral adult world. So I read that magazine from cover to cover. Twice. And with each turn of the page I felt my small-town naïveté break into smaller and smaller pieces. I remember that day as an incredibly humbling experience. I had an awkward, self-conscious epiphany: that I actually knew next to nothing about the world. There I was, cream of the crop of my middle school, fourteen years of "smart" outwitted by a thin volume of paper. I was used to feeling gifted, to getting gold stickers and good grades, to acing every elementary examination placed in front of my cocky #2 pencil.

I wasn't used to feeling like I'd been living in the Dark Ages.

At the same time, however, I struggled with another realization, one that was difficult for me to define. I felt. . . liberated. I felt as though I had taken a breath of fresh air and found it to be bracing and delicious, like it was the first breath I'd ever taken, and I'd never known that air was so sweet.

Talk about a paradigm shift: somehow, reading Newsweek had re-kindled my natural intellectual curiosity; it had, briefly, filled a hole in my soul that I didn't know existed. It had also sparked something within me-a hint of defiance, a refusal to accept complacency. One taste of forbidden fruit, and I knew I could never go back.

Although reading a news magazine seemed like a nonevent at the time, in retrospect it was one of the defining moments of my adolescence. That seemingly unextraordinary day set a lot of subsequent days in motion-days when I would push my limitations, jump a little higher, venture out of my comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory, days when I would fail over and over again only to succeed when I least expected it, days when I would build my dreams from scratch, watch them fall down, then build them back up again, and before I knew it, the days bled into years, and this was my life.

At 14, I'd caught a glimpse of where the bar was set. It always seemed astronomically high, until it became just out of my grasp.

Sadly, Newsweek magazine went out of print on January 1, 2013. Odd as it may sound, I'll always be indebted to an out-of-print magazine for helping me become the person I am today.

哈佛校报点评

Julia在这里最擅长的是她强有力的语言和深意的诗意运用。这篇文章的一个亮点是，她描述了阅读《新闻周刊》是如何使她谦卑的，她说，她过去觉得自己“很有天赋”，但现在觉得自己一直生活在黑暗时代。她对这个问题的回答非常准确，准确地表达了这种经历标志着从童年到成年的转变。

当然Julia本可以详细说明为什么对《新闻周刊》如此感兴趣对她来说是个惊喜，也可以选择一个更具反思性和深度的结论来结束这篇很强的文章。在这本“绝版杂志”和她“天生的求知欲”之间存在的关系还可以进一步挖掘。

作者Aiden

原籍: 美国伊利诺州

高中: 公立高中, 650毕业生

民族: 混血（多种族）

性别: 男性

GPA: 5.67 out of 5.0

SAT / ACT: 33

SAT2: N/A

课外活动: Spanish National Honor Society president, concert band first chair alto and District IMEA, jazz band lead alto, marching band drum major, math club (State freshman, sophomore, and senior year), intern for State Representative。

获奖: National AP Scholar

专业: History and Literature

▼ESSAY

I am African-American, Caucasian, Jewish, and gay, and narrowly escaping the degradation of my ancestors: my great-great-great grandfather's slavery, my grandmother's persecution in the Holocaust, and the denial of gay identity. I am the personification of the culture and struggles of each of these groups. As I walk through life with this mix, I must be able to respect and love all different walks of life. Furthermore, during those times that I stereotype people, I assume roles onto their identity. I am able to stop myself and realize that they hold the wisdom from experiences that I do not, and that I am actually hurting myself. Judging a book by its cover really does make you miss out. Some people I know acknowledge me as the gay guy, a member of that small minority that is stricken with bullying and identity crisis, seldom as a Jew or black. It has always been important to me for people to recognize me by my radiant personality and not by my superficial sexuality or race. My ethnicity and orientation do not define me: they are the tools my ancestors have granted so that I can pursue my destiny, and I have my individual spirit to color my path. I am an independent, positive person.

I carry the mark of maturity with the essence of vitality. I can only hope that people remember me via my relationships with them and my effects on their lives. And so I apply the same mindset to others. The snappy, aggravated cashier at the grocery store checking me out may be working through her retirement to pay for her granddaughter's tuition. Or the black youth with his jeans hanging low and "speaking Ebonics" is actually executing a facet of his culture from which he takes pride and grows. Moreover my template also allows me to be open-minded; how could I not be cultural? My ancestors would not have succeeded without those that have listened and empathized with their plights. And how could I shut my ears? I cannot; I will not. I will not allow myself to shut out another's opinion simply because I was not introduced to their beliefs in my upbringing. How ignorant and arrogant to speak my gospel and thrive on the grace of others but not even consider others' words? Every breath I take is due to the grace of those magnanimous humans before me who not only listened to those Jews, or those slaves, or that gay person, but also took it upon themselves to advance humanity beyond close-mindedness into a world where every individual's contribution based on their experience is respected. There is never a time to neglect the social fragility of our existence, not in the courtroom or the living room. To assume the serenity of social culture is a blind eye to the macrocosm of daily life. It is my expectation to persevere for the fight for human rights and to respect the nature of all cultures and all peoples through my actions as well as my words. It is insufficient to tell someone they are wrong for persecuting. We have to help them find no solace in their prejudice. Not only do I have a duty to argue for the progress of our humanity, I will do so by example.

哈佛校报点评

在这篇文章中，Aiden对自己的复杂身份直言不讳，立即引起了读者的注意，然后更深入地揭示了他的身份是如何塑造了自己的人生观的。

本文强调了斗争的重要性，并挑战了对于身份的狭隘观念。Aiden的文章传达了这样的信息：身份背景不能定义一个人。相反，一个人的身份会影响一个人追求命运的方式。本文可以改进的一个方面是，将思想分解为一个以上的段落，以使读者有机会呼吸和调整节奏。尽管如此，Aiden的思想还是在他的整个写作中顺理成章地流露出来，因为其内容吸引了读者，这一点几乎没有引起注意。

Aiden不仅通过承认祖先所经历的斗争，而且通过接受对他们的承认和对他们的崇高敬意，并将其运用到自己的生活中，展示了他的洞察力和成熟度。他的文章富有睿智，有力且动人，而他智慧和成熟的深度让读者印象深刻。

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作者Valerie

性别: 女性

GPA: 4.2 out of 4.0

SAT / ACT: Reading 750, Math 660, Writing 790

SAT2: U.S. History, French, Spanish

课外活动：yearbook editor in chief, student government representative, varsity crew captain, Vegetarian Club leader

获奖: National Hispanic Scholar Award, high school high honors, language award

专业: Linguistics

▼ESSAY

Languages have played a central role in my life. I have studied a variety of languages, to varying degrees — but always in the name of my greater goal, which is to understand people — to truly comprehend what lies beneath the surface: How does a culture conceive of itself? What can we learn about how the Japanese based on formality of address? What can be said about the Germans, whose language requires the verb appear at the end of a sentence? Maybe not much, but without the knowledge of the language, the possibility of real understanding is impaired. My interest in linguistics — psychology as well — derives from this belief: there is an underlying structure to all language, and through the study and comprehension of this structure, there can be a mutual understanding.

My interest in linguistics — psychology as well — derives from this belief: there is an underlying structure to all language, and through the study and comprehension of this structure, there can be a mutual understanding.

Beyond the underlying structure, words themselves have a deep and rich history, and their usage is a form of beauty in itself. It was my father who opened my eye to this truth — who taught me to love words for their stories and to appreciate etymology. It began as a friendly contest between us, but for me, appreciation soon became full-fledged adoration that was only encouraged by my study of Latin. I began drawing connections I had previously missed between words I use every day, and I found myself spending hours in front of the computer looking for sites to aid me in my discoveries. One of my favorite discoveries (and an apt one to share with you) is the word hedera.

I happened upon hedera when I noticed the similarity among the words apprehend, aprender, and apprendre, in Spanish and French, respectively. It was clear, judging by the orthography and definitions, that these words shared a Latin root, but in my studies, never had I come across such a word. Next thing I knew, I had the following on my hands: apprentice, comprehend, prehensile, apprehensive. What relationship exists between one who is learning a trade and a sense of foreboding? The answer lay within the etymologies, which led to hedera, the Latin word for ivy. Once suffixes had been stripped away, the remaining word was always -hendere. Alone, the word means virtually nothing; it was contrived from hedera as a verb form to convey a sense of grasping. What better to do so than ivy, a plant known for its tenacity? I could not help but admire the ivy which had embedded itself into the foundations of language.

Language is all about meaning and understanding, but to grasp the true meaning of language, one must look beyond the surface of the sentence to the structure, and even beyond that to the meaning and histories of the words themselves. Language, therefore, is my passion because it is the study of understanding.

哈佛校报点评

毫不奇怪，Valerie的文章的优势在于，她熟练地使用语言技巧并在写作中表现出来。Valerie的写作与同龄人相比是无与伦比的，文字和语言是她最擅长的工具；她的文章证明了这一点。

至于其内容，本文通过分析她热爱语言学的原因，然后通过分析一个实际单词来展示其学习过程，从而成功地展示了作者的求知欲。但是，这种练习使作者偏离了语言学如何帮助她更好地理解文化和人民的最初讨论，这是一个非常有趣的概念，最终没有机会作详述。

除此之外，本文还可以更多地展示作者的个人身份。尽管Valerie暗示了与父亲的轻松关系，但这只是我们窥探她个性的全部方式。这篇论文只有475个单词，不足650个单词。更丰富多彩的介绍，热爱语言学是如何影响她与别人互动的，或者更个性化的结论，可以为作者敏锐的才智提供进一步的论据。

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作者Reginald

原籍: 美国纽约州

高中: 公立高中，350毕业生

民族: 白人/亚裔

性别: 男性

GPA: 4.3 out of 4.0

SAT / ACT: 36

SAT2: Mathematics Level 2, Chemistry, Physics, US History, Biology

课外活动：Varsity Soccer, Competitive Sailing, Alto Saxophonist, Treasurer of Tutoring Club

获奖: National Merit Scholarship, High School's Academic Achievement Awards

专业: Applied Mathematics

▼ESSAY

As the first texts came in — “Where are you? The game’s over.” — I grinned, my feet propped up against the trunk and my back relaxed along the incline of the thickest arm of the tree. I swung off the branch and clambered down. The satisfaction on my face a little too apparent, I walked back to my friends, who sat out of sight on a swing set. The competition of the night was manhunt, a combination of hide-and-seek and tag renamed to suit the “dignity” of kids our age.

As I approached the swings, Marc called out, “You won. Where’d you hide?” “That tree over there,” I replied. “You climbed a tree?” Jack laughed, the surprise clear on his face. As manhunt novices, we had previously confined our gameplay to the ground. They were intrigued, recognizing I had taken our sport to new heights, literally.

As absurd as perching on a tree may be, there’s an undeniable thrill to discovering a new hiding spot and changing the game. In that way, manhunt simultaneously fuels my desire to innovate and my love of competition — passions I transfer from my musical, academic, and athletic pursuits to the boundaries of Jack’s backyard.

I search for new perspectives, new trees to climb, in all my endeavors. When I improvise in jazz band, I enjoy sharing original musical riffs and runs. My bandmates and I persist in the hunt for a “perfect solo.” While we know there's no such thing, we look for the next moment of musical insight that will change the complexion of our improvisation. And though we improve as a group, each of us takes pride in our own unique, musical style. The challenge of blending these varying shades of jazz into a cohesive performance is the reason I love being a part of the band.

The classroom brings new perspectives as well. Each day’s lesson engages my curiosity as I consider the world from a different physical, historical, or political point of view. It’s the excitement in my Physics teacher’s voice as he tells us that lightning strikes from the ground up and that Zeus is a lie, or the tightly bound silence in the room as a classmate reads aloud a letter home from an American soldier in Vietnam, that captures my interest.

My competitive drive, meanwhile, kicks in whenever I hear a countdown, whether it’s the measure before a jazz solo or the seconds before a sailing race. When I’m out on the water, the urgent beep of my watch preceding the start refocuses my attention to the wind and waves before me. I envision the race ahead, visualizing the changes in wind patterns and the movement of the fleet of boats. When the pounding of my heart drowns out my thoughts and I fall into the rhythm of maneuvering the boat, that’s when I know I’m at my competitive peak.

Similarly, my drive comes to life during soccer games, when a desire to win embodied in a slide tackle is all that defends our net. Though the steely looks in my opponents’ eyes and the chants from the stands threaten to distract me, my ambition and pride in representing my high school harden my nerves on the game field and fuel my resolve in practice.

As much as I love to compete and innovate, the thrill of achievement is matched by the camaraderie among the friends, bandmates, and teammates with whom I share the journey. The determination to push my limits and reach for the next branch is at the root of my athletic ambitions and musical interests, but the personal relationships and shared experiences along the way make the process all the more rewarding. Even in a casual game of hide-and-seek and tag, I compete, innovate, and develop lasting bonds and memories that make a good-natured competition more than a zero-sum game. That’s what delivers the real joy of manhunt.

哈佛校报点评

文章在动感中开头，栩栩如生：“我的脚支撑在树干上，我的后背沿着树上最粗的枝条倾斜。” Reginald立即将读者置于周围的环境中。作品声音清晰，轻松而自信，以其轻松的节奏为例证。

Reginald选择以细节作为铺垫——咧着嘴笑，爬上树，以嘲弄的方式解释追捕行为——双重地表现了他的个性。Reginald通过讲述自己如何赢得一场追捕游戏来展示而不是讲述自己的创新性。当他的开场轶事完成了将自己人性化的目的时，他将游戏固有的价值观与他在 “音乐，学术和运动追求” 中的广泛兴趣联系在一起。即兴演奏爵士乐的故事不仅反映了Reginald对艺术的欣赏，还反映了他与他人合作和欣赏他人辛勤工作的能力。
文章段落中有关他的学术好奇心的细节增加了真实性，比简单的关于好奇心的陈述更加有效。同样，由于Reginald关于帆船和足球的场景也吸引了读者的注意力。因此我们可以肯定，Reginald追求的不仅仅是为他的简历增色。
为了平衡他对比赛的重视，Reginald的文章以对所有朋友和队友赞赏的结尾。我们看到他对竞争的追求源于对不断自我完善的渴望。回到捉迷藏的场景中，Reginald表达了一个完整的主题。

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